Tag Archive | sin

Masquerade of a Dead Life.

Sorting out some recent thoughts…

It is amazing the way a person can become so sure to you, how they can seem like they can be relied on for one small thing and still let you  down so harshly. I learned a long time ago how crushing it can be when someone you admire falls so hard and far from the pedestal you have put them on, but what I didn’t count on was the complete coldness and disregard a person can have for the values that keep family strong. It is one thing to disappoint another person it is another thing to aid in the destruction of family.

What an experience it is to see such a desperate attempt to keep certain “skeletons” from escaping the closet of a masquerade of a life. The broken attempts of hiding behind false pretense while in reality being the horrible victim of senseless acts of sins against you is just a pitiful and frightening reality for so many people. Unfortunately it can become a reality so big that in the end it affects not only you, but can affect generations to follow in ways that are devastating. All because you don’t want or can’t face what people might say or think of you even though what happened was not your fault. Sin when hidden becomes an insidious guest even when that sin has been done against you and you are not the one who has committed it. Typically when sinned against anger then unforgiveness then bitterness takes root in the hurt. The hard thing is that we have every right to be hurt and angry, but the key after that is to not sin in our hurt and anger. I know how hard it is to be hurt and angry and then have to deal with a child while wrestling with those feelings towards someone else, I have on numerous occasions snapped at them or yelled at them when they had nothing to do with my pain at all, but being so consumed by my pain, I overlooked what it might do to them to react in a way that will confuse and hurt them. Thus the cycle can continue and inevitably does in this fallen world. I have personally tried to make it a point to apologize to my children when I have done this and have when necessary attempted to explain to them some lesson of human nature and the mercy of God and His love.

What is remarkable to me in this is how the extent of someone else’s sin can cause us to sin against the innocent or those who are not the cause of the pain. Either way we are not to sin, in reaction to the person sinning against us or in reaction to those not involved. I can say that this is a very difficult ideal to grasp, I believe and know it, and I fail in it so many times. How I was shown this by God’s mercy, was in wondering about the resurrection and it’s importance in the life of one who believes. The refrain of the gospel is that we can be saved from our sin, it is beautiful to know this, however it is incomplete, because so many do not understand their own sin, and stand in judgement of others sins and the sins that they have been the victims of. Sometimes a person does not see the depravity of there own sin and only looks at the sin and suffering around them and wonders about how so much bad can happen. Christ died for my sin, your sin, and every individual’s sin. It becomes our responsibility to accept that gift of salvation from our sin. What happened after His death is three days later he arose from the dead, we all know that right? But see he didn’t go in the ground for three days, in those three days he conquered death forever and rose victorious over sin and death so that we may experience the same freedom and victory over sin and death because of our salvation through him. And that means sin. Period. Any sin that has been committed against us. Period. Any experience of death. Period.

In the light of His great salvation all of this has no hold on any believer, ever, unless the believer chooses to hold on to it, either in their ignorance to this or in their inability to fully grasp this victory. I have a hard time fully grasping the truth of this especially in moments of pain, and unfortunately pain doesn’t just go away in knowing this. What it does do though is it gives me hope in pain and joy in the hurt, that I do not have to remain imprisoned to someone else’s sins against me or others. It helps me to know that God has conquered it all and he is the only conqueror, and only through his salvation can I be more than a conqueror even though I have experienced the pain and hurt and horror of being sinned against.

Realize that sin is a work of Satan himself and that every person has the choice to sin or not. Do not deceive yourself about sin there is no small sin that we can commit as in letting our words hurt people or laziness or being false, and do not allow yourself to be deceived into the belief that there are sins that are too great for God’s power as in rape or murder or molestation. God’s power abolishes sin, God’s power heals our souls from sins, God’s power gives us peace in this sin stricken world. In pressing on towards wholeness in body, spirit and mind; this truth has been a balm for me, it has put my mind at ease even though the feelings of hurt and anger remain, it has helped me to sort through the mess that is life on this planet and it has helped me understand the pain that others face in there own lives. I hope it allows me to see healing in the lives of those I love and I hope that maybe it causes others curiosity to seek out this truth for them self.

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Going Forward with Obstacles

“God has nothing worth having that is easily gained”-  Streams in the Desert Devotional– June 29

 

It is easy in the face of obstacles to give up and take the easy path, whether that is convenience food or procrastination or snapping back at someone in anger or abandoning a difficult relationship. The hard way is painful and misunderstood, even if it appears that the easy way is being taken. I am happy to be standing in the Hope of God and that he is my everything, literally. He took my earthly security away, and gave me an invisible future that I cannot see but for his promises to me. I think I am misunderstood for the fact that I had to do something very drastic in my life to secure the health and well being of those closest to me, it had to be done, to save a soul, to save minds from more damage, and to save the completeness of something God has ordained. Nothing good has ever come from hiding behind false pretenses, especially when multiple opportunities have been given for private resolution of the issues faced. God put these words before me as I was facing the blackest moments in this recent dilemma:

 

Psalm 27:13-14 (amp) [What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

 

Psalm 138:3,7-8 (KJV) In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me. The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.

 

Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

 

It was like a cool fresh breeze, filling my suffocating lungs, a piercing light through the darkness, though still blind to the future it is the brightness of his promises that are blinding me now to what my future holds. I am so happy to know that I have no need to defend my position but that God is my defense. No person can stand against me in thought, action, or words. The greatest of all is he told me he would perfect what concerns me, PERFECT, can you beat that? I have made more mistakes in my journey than I can count, but, I know I make them and will likely make more; But I have claimed Christ and his righteousness for myself because without it I am destitute in the horrors of my sin. I can stand in Him knowing that my mistakes and failures will only prove to glorify Him much more in the end, so I can have no claims to having done anything in my own strength. This is the beautiful way of openness and transparency, it proves God’s greatness in the end, it proves that he uses weak, broken vessels to carry his glory so he can shine through the shattered shards of brokenness. A crushed flower, pours out more fragrance. Coal under pressure produces a diamond.

World View Revolution – Part 2

So, I am absolutely convinced that in light of what I am learning about food nutrition and health that the “ills” of so many of our pop culture tragedies; such as obesity, homosexuality, infertility, mental illnesses, chronic diseases, crime rates and addictions- that many of these things are avoidable and preventable. I don’t know to what degree these things could have been avoided but I know that due to our nutrition and so-called treatments of these ailments, and the length of time that these have been the norm for people it is unsure to me how quickly these things could be reversed.

The increase of infertility and homosexuality I think are largely due to birth control methods and lack of nutrition that effects hormones. I read a discussion on birth control and attraction on Rush Limbaugh’s website that stated a study about how men were more attracted to women not on birth control, they had men smell the shirts of women on it and women who were not on it and they found that the women who were on it were less attractive to those men. Now in light of this does it not make sense that men would find other men more attractive? But compounding this whole situation you have nutritional deficits that cause lowered hormone levels, such as the lack of appropriate fats, enzymes, synergy of whole foods, vitamins etc. do you not think that this may be a factor to consider? On top of that you get men whose hormones (or lack of) cause personality problems, aggression, hostility, addictions, among others- making them nearly unbearable to be around, causing a shift in women to look for partners they can better understand- other women. These same problems turned around creates unnatural behavior in women as well, even further compounding the problem. As a result you get a desexing of humanity that creates an almost unexplainable horror in the lives of so many. Pastors and priests who prey on the people they were called to help, little girls and boys becoming the victims of heinous crimes, mothers without natural nurturing instincts, fathers who are absent and irresponsible. Obviously sin is a huge factor in all of this and each person has the ability to choose the paths they wish to follow, but doesn’t this give rise to a new way of looking at these issues, with less judgment and more understanding? I can take a page from my own life and see how these things can certainly be true, when I take certain vitamins(B’s) my ability to handle stress well is directly improved- maybe just by the skin of my teeth but I do see a difference. Now if I were getting these vitamins synergisticly in the foods I eat with other factors such as enzymes and minerals and so on that assist the bio-availability of those nutrients to my cells would it not make an even greater difference in my health and well being? I certainly think so!

The famine of this nation is a starvation for reality and Truth, and in this culture those two things are desperately hidden from us. The reality is, this earth was given to us from God to nourish and care for us, not in man made materials and chemical compositions used to exploit us for the greed of industrial tycoons trying to make a quick buck. The Reality is we are being lied to every day from nearly every source into believing that man knows better than God and that science is wiser than His perfect creation. The reality is that we can be saved from our sin regardless of our nutrition deficits, mindsets, mistakes and habits. The reality is that these Truths when sought out can set us all free. Humanity’s first sin originated with food… maybe our repentance needs to start there, too? Could it be that the more nutritionally real our food is that maybe the more our minds and spirits would be able to understand and accept the spiritual and the unseen? Research has shown countless time that food can make you feel lethargic, unmotivated, depressed, hyper and so on. What we put in our bodies really does count so why not make it a little change here and there and slowly remove the processed and chemical and replace it with the real and the created?

Please, please read Nourishing Traditions by: Sally Fallon, This post is to provoke thought and curiosity, it is in no way meant to offend anyone. This has been in my drafts for awhile I wanted to tweak it to perfection but if I waited for that than I would likely never post it and that would defeat the whole purpose of a blog now wouldn’t it?

Zombies

Okay so here is the situation, I feel like I am almost completely a zombie- I feel like I just don’t give a rip anymore- walking around dead. Not that this is true but my response to the continual dripping of acid on my heart and mind is well… acid back, It’s not good, it serves no purpose, it makes things even worse and I don’t know how to stop. You see I have these really good spells in which I am very, very good and very bad ones in which I am HORRID. So I am horrid right now. I have tried many forms of turning the other cheek, but I seem unable to stick it out for whatever reason… you see I get vulnerable, then I get hurt, then I get hard, then I give it another try and it starts all over again.  I just want to be happy and have fun, to enjoy life, yet this misery just won’t quit.

I know that I need to keep my focus in the right place, and I don’t all the time. I know that I need  to give up my rights, but there is too much I want sometimes. I know that I don’t deserve any better than my worst sin. But I don’t want to be eaten alive by this living dead. And I don’t want to be a Zombie.

Tell me how would you respond if your very soul was continuously slammed, the butt of every joke, ridiculed, mocked, derided, harrassed, shamed, dishonored, hurt repeatedly, over and over. I am sorry to say it starts to form a callous, and you begin to be very good at giving it back.

But you see the real problem lies in that the zombie is the one who can’t take the punishment, the zombie feels all the pain and then spews it back out to infect others, so when I dish it back, I am hurting something so much more fragile than me and I feel as though I am delaying the time when the zombie is given anew, his life.

People

In this life one of  the most frustrating and delightful and inevitable parts of life….

people.

I have many many people in my life who fall under many categories but I find that when I really look, the people in my life become another piece of artwork in the gallery of life. It is tragic and beautiful and it is delightful. I am so glad that I have began to really see them for them, not for their actions, it is hard because it takes alot of vulnerability and alot of getting hurt, and trusting has become a word I reserve for God alone. (sorry everyone else). I include many people in my list of friends, broken people, broken people who like to act like their fixed, broken people who really are fixed, broken people who don’t care that they are broken, or don’t know or refuse to admit it or ignore it. But it is remarkable the similarities (broken) that we all have regardless of our situation in life we all have this one thing in common; we are so desperately broken.

Reproach has broken my heart, And I am full of heaviness; I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none; And for comforters, but I found none. Psa. 69:20

It is so painful to have friends who suffer daily… It is far worse to have friends who do not have a source of strength in their hurt.

The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psa. 37:18

this is for you my brassy frined who has been beat all her life.

this is for my friend who is paralyzed

this is for my friend who tries to find comfort in a bottle

this is for my friend whose husband looked for love elsewhere for ten years of their marriage

this is for my friend who lost her home to foreclosure and her father in the same year

this is for my friend who lost her mother, her home to fire, her ability to walk

this is for my friend who cannot control anger

this is for my friend who struggles with debilitating pain

and this is for me, too.

Because being broken brings us closer to the answer…

Out of this Corner

Like a cornered animal

in a smallish spot

poked at and prodded

torture so cruel

you are the tool

in the hands of this evil one

who wants me broken

desperation and psychosis

seem to overtake

but then I remember the place

my Ivory Tower

where I can run and be safe

the place where I can cling

even if

it feels

like

a slick and slimy rock

in the raging hurricane of my life

even if I can feel

the grit from this stone

pressing into the quick of my nails

and it hurts

yet I cling

I want the Ivory Tower

more than the rock

I want the wrought needlework

of the King’s Daughter

not these drenched rags

of this filthy place

this corner in

this world

that I am stuck in