Tag Archive | guilt

…and be done with it.

So I wanted to blog about New Year resolutions… but, it keeps coming back to me how miserable they are, how I have kept them up for quite a long time and then they fall through… My best year for resolutions was 2009, I kept the majority of them going for 4 months until the demands of getting up at 4 a.m. and working thirteen or more hour days with three kids and a house and etc, finally got to me. This year I didn’t have a set plan on the eve of the New Year to sit down and write out my overly romanticized expectations for myself just to watch them fail in one way or another. On January 1st, I did sit down though and think about some of the goals I want to accomplish; my mindset at the time was: I would not feel guilty if I did not meet them as perfectly as I would like. I have been battling unrealistic expectations for myself and the guilt just isn’t worth it. Not to say that I won’t have these issues later on but just that I am choosing to not be guilty if I mess up and to realize that if I continuously fail at something that maybe I need to lower the bar and shoot for a new goal on the way to the ultimate goal I wanted to reach. I determined I would not make my list too big and that I would be open to changing and adding or subtracting items from what I had written.

2012 Goals for a New Year…

  1. Wake @ 5 a.m. five or more days  a week
  2. Exercise 4 or more days a week for 20 minutes
  3. Cut back and eventually cut out simple carbs
  4. Increase smoothie intake with more veggies and salads in my diet, too
  5. Strive for simplicity in every area of life
  6. Declutter and reorganize

Some of my add on goals…

  • Couponing
  • Write more frequently and blog
  • Hydrate
  • Do more crafts
  • Utilize the library more

My entire purpose of this is to refocus myself and align myself to a set of standards to reach for and then do my best. I tell you what I haven’t got up at 5 a.m. more than twice this year, but I know I want to… maybe I need to make it six, then 5:45, then 5:30, etc. or maybe I need to accept that I just don’t have it in me to do that as often as I would like. Working out has been a bit better but I have painfully motivating back issues if I don’t. Must say that I am somewhat happy that I have been more regular about this, but, again it hasn’t been 4 times a week either.

The point for me this year is that I want to reach the end of the year and see tangible changes maybe not specifically that I am fulfilling all my goals perfectly but that they have become a part of my life and made it better. Not another set of rules to beat myself with. It is all a work in progress for me and I am choosing to be happy with that and content to just let myself pass as a human being this year and not strive for anything that is not gently led by God for me to follow and also to forgive the frailty of where I fail to meet the expectations that in some ways enslave me to a miserable existence.

Maybe my resolutions should be

  • Let go of expectations
  • Forget the guilt trip
  • Freely be who I am now and
  • Know that I can’t force growth

Yes, I think that’s it.

Emerson quote via Pinterest