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Daybook

Outside my window: Gorgeous snow everywhere and to think that each and every snowflake is different than the other… God is so in the details, I think I love this scientific fact more that the sands on the seashore or that He named every star, even though you can hardly choose between such amazing facts.

I am hearing: the tumble of clothes in my dryer, John Denver on my ipod playlist

I am wearing: Fleece jammie pants and purple shirt and thick black cardigan sweater

I am thinking about: The hilarious 2012 No Pants Subway Ride I just saw on You Tube via Pinterest, laughed so hard my cheeks hurt. The looks these people got… LOL (ahem, this would definitely be rated beyond PG-13- just warning you)

Food today: {Breakfast}- 2 cups coffee, cereal {Lunch}- Grilled Cheese and Tomato soup with goldfish swimming in it {Supper}- whatever I think of

Learning: My daughter brought home a game from school about sequencing that was pretty fun.

My Meditation: Proverbs 16:32 NLT

Crafting: Just finished 2 crocheted washcloths that I loved making.

Inspirations: DIY magazine organizers, prairie cloth doll, felt doll

Some of what I am planning this week: Need to clean my kids rooms since I avoided all last week… and the week before that… and the one before that…

Some of what I have gotten done this past week: Cleaned the top of my fridge off, Lots of never ending laundry, 7 kids to AWANA, Crocheted 2 washcloths, Cleaned my bedroom, 7 Blog posts

I am Thankful for: My children, God’s provision and mercy and guidance, Salvation, my family, people who follow my blog and leave comments on my posts, Vitamins, herbs, raw milk, the beauty of God’s Creation, the ministry of God’s creatures especially the pets he has blessed our family with: Dixie our red dobe, and Ginger our muted calico cat.

One of my favorite things: Vintage Pyrex, I adore it

My children are: Hangin’ with Daddy

Got my idea for this post at Pondered in My Heart a darling blog I found today via (what else?) Pinterest

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Randomness …of perfection, writing, inadequacies, faith and trust

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that…”

Mark Twain

am i a small person?

small and unforgiving?

sometimes my confidence makes a fool of me.

i am so sure of myself

and then i do something

and it fails…

my mind attacks

me telling me

why.

i.

failed.

telling me

i am stupid and ignorant

laughing at my confidence

dispelling my joy

mocking me for being.

so.

sure.

i fold into myself introspecting every little thing

i think i know and believe

i feel silly and selfish

shy and ashamed

that I put myself out there

so vulnerable

standing so tall on my soap box

of opinions

choices

words i say

and the me i reveal so openly to all.

i despise hypocrisy

so i reveal so much of myself

my mind calls me a fool

it asks “where is the mystery?”

maybe there is none when it comes to me

i rebel and flap about

like i know everything

and can do anything…

i get disconnected from so many

not on purpose

just my mind (that smallish part of me)

tells me not to bother because

they don’t care

they are too busy

so i forget to call

because i don’t know what to say

i like to write

i express my thoughts well

but i never bothered with

punctuation

too many or not enough and in the wrong spots

so i write and am humiliated

writers block is fear

that my dots and dashes don’t add up

my mind tells me i am dumb

elementary grammar

forgotten

in the need to put pen to page

and then confused

expression is a joy to me

yet i am failed for words to put all of it down

disjointed

thoughts

flying about my head

ricocheting from B cell to T cell

synapses firing away

and i try to catch them

these dragonfly thoughts

flitting one way

invisible then standing in midair…

sparkling

iridescent

thought

and I reach out with my jar of letters

to encapsulate the phantom phrase

on paper

or screen

but then its gone again

i am off on these

paper airplanes

and glitter screens

to lands of expression, of words, of poems

of classy fairy friends

of opinions to fuel my passions

of art to wonder at

and of my clumsy attempt

to join in the cacophony

that i travel

in the corner of my room

on the shiny little screen

and sometimes

maybe more so than not

my dishes are ignored

my bed unmade

or the laundry is left waiting on its mountain

or words tumble from my mouth too fast

and they’re sharp

and i regret

that they hurt

those i care for the most

and i wake

another morning

and i crawl out of bed

and i fly by my life as it comes

and i trust

the work in me will be completed

grace will be given each day anew

i will write and not be fearful

and i will hope myself breathless

and i will be silly and embarrassed

holding my chin up high

as i learn to forgive and be forgiven

and look up for my help

…..

;;;;

,,,

?

!

:

and i will TRUST.

Linked up with Life: unmasked

Out of this Corner

Like a cornered animal

in a smallish spot

poked at and prodded

torture so cruel

you are the tool

in the hands of this evil one

who wants me broken

desperation and psychosis

seem to overtake

but then I remember the place

my Ivory Tower

where I can run and be safe

the place where I can cling

even if

it feels

like

a slick and slimy rock

in the raging hurricane of my life

even if I can feel

the grit from this stone

pressing into the quick of my nails

and it hurts

yet I cling

I want the Ivory Tower

more than the rock

I want the wrought needlework

of the King’s Daughter

not these drenched rags

of this filthy place

this corner in

this world

that I am stuck in

Sigh

Hurtful things are so fearful

they are so attached to this world of mine here

I want to escape, somehow

yet I am trapped by… i don’t know what

an indefinable sense of wanting what is right

above all else

wanting the best things

when my knees are broken with my heart

falling all the time to them

I want delight and joy and love and and and and

sigh

why so much pain

Daddy make it go away

take this pain from everyone

wash this world

pour out your peace

and help us all

o help us

Green Turkey

Traipsing down the path between our house and Grandma and Grampa’s

we think we see a turkey,

my children and I

then a flash of green in the sunlit yard

next to the big red barn

surprise us

and this silly looking turkey

we find…

is deep emerald green

with a long, long tail

of multi-hued eyes…

a peacock!!!

In the yard?

What a surprise,

someones escaped pet

gives us a moment of

the exotic

as we follow it thru the tall grass

to the gravel road

and it disappears in the woods.

Not everyday you see that

but it gives us joy to see

some strange creation

of God in this ordinary place.

Joy finds us again.