Journey through Pain

For the past year or so I have found myself in a prison with one wall that I have been banging my head on. My head has been aching from the constant smashing against bricks made from confusion, worry, questioning, lack of faith, thoughts of self pity and so on. Believe me the words that bombard me sometime shred my soul and the circumstances that surround me are difficult. But a sweet whisper from God has been quietly speaking to me lately about the “chastisement of my peace being upon Him” Isaiah 53 – it has come over and over into my heart and head and it is amazing how he has led me out of this bramble of pain.  I have been unable to figure out why I couldn’t find peace, but I am so happy that He is showing me a way out of the confused questions in my head. I am so glad that I didn’t completely give up and am also glad that so much of his word has taken root in me that even in times of drought in my life; [The Word] comes in like a refreshing rain for my thirsty soul.

Another question that has been causing me great pain has been in that I believed a lie that all I could experience in this life was hurting, and that all the blessings that I have read about in His Word were blessings for heaven, I was basically believing that salvation was not for my life but for my death or when I died. But I have been so blessed that He again spoke to me and showed me Psalm 27: 13 “Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.”

Just lately there has been some changes in my life that I wanted but was afraid of, and I actually prayed would happen and it did. But when it happened it was so abruptly that I was terrified. Through my terror I prayed for him to give me peace that I would have faith to trust him for my needs, all of them. Seemingly simplistic request I know; but the back story makes it very frightening.  The day after this abrupt change I received a magazine in the mail and nearly every article in it were testimonies of God’s provision in the exact circumstance that I found myself in and fearful of this past year. It affirmed He cares for me and knows my needs, and speaks to me when I feel like there is nobody else who understands.

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