In Search of Delight

I find myself in a struggle every day to find things to delight in…

and I am surprised when I look up from the gas pump to see sunset over an old farmhouse on a canvas of mountainous purple clouds nestled among trees in the gathering dusk smelling the fresh mown hay that lay in neat rows as a tractor putts filled with hay bales into a big red barn, and I wish I had a camera attached to my forehead.

it seems I am wrapped up in unimportant, inconsequential things, constantly building my defenses for non-issues that don’t matter to me…

but then I wrap up a bundle of fresh picked lavender and delight in the scent that clings to my fingers.

It is hard trying to pull myself together after life take its rage out on me. Surviving the bombs that seem relentless in their pursuit to crush me, and the verbal skirmishes that wreak havoc on my mind…

but then I see the children play, and the wind blows through my hair reminding me that there is more here in Life real Life, true Life, where joy is allowed to exist.

I live in terror of the thoughts, the ones that aren’t true that make me want to be a victim of distrust and pessimism, the ones that seem so hard to reconcile, but basically are just one thing “what if I don’t measure up” …

and then as Life would have it a long-lost friend sorely missed and pondered over the years drops into my life on a sunbeam of pure joy and I can see how blessed I truly am.

Someone loves me somewhere…

and I laugh past the lump in my throat at all my silly little fears.

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4 thoughts on “In Search of Delight

  1. I love you so much.
    This is LOVELY.

    I am holding that fresh picked lavender with you.
    I am pretending we picked it together, and wearing aprons and bare toes we make our way down a dirt path; singing and laughing as we go.

    We are on our way to my house….where we will arrange our bouquet in an old mason jar and make pancakes for dinner.

    Oh how I miss you.

    –Sara Sophia

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